50 Shades of White

June 14, 2013

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m pasty as all get out.  I will burn to a crisp in 15 minutes flat.  I cake on sunscreen like an old woman cakes on her makeup.  I use SPF 70-100.  I’m not exaggerating!  Today we went to the red beach on Santorini, Greece, and I was the only one using anything over 30.  Pathetic.  What’s more pathetic, is that I barely got any color, and the color I did get is only a slight different shade of pasty-white than the rest of me.  I am 50 shades of white!  My darkest  shade – off-white with a slight pinkish hue – is something I’m hoping to reach by the end of the summer.  We’ll see if I even make it that far, though.  A common reaction to my severely sun-deprived skin tone is having old ladies come up to me and say something along the lines of “Oh, honey, are you wearing sunscreen?  You’re very fair.”  Yes, thank you, I am in fact not an idiot and have put on SPF 85 three times today and am aware of the fact that I am nearly see-through.  But thank you for reminding me.  For all of my clear to off-white friends out there, I feel your pain. When you slather on another greasy layer of sunscreen, think of me doing the same in the land of dark skin and hair and getting funny “she’s a xena (foreigner)” looks from the Greeks.